oh, i am so irritated.
damn bicycle has a flat tire and i cant take the damn wheel off its stuck, husband is asleep on couch and we are broke...
one funny thing though its been a year to the day since i last wrote....
funny huh?
apparently the flat tire happened mid of last night... strange and annoying...
i could so go for a ride now clear my head some...
have these plans on creating but missing basic tools try and get them by the weekend...
get the damn flat inflated again..
husband has quit smoking so he is all huffy puffy and irate.
i wanna go out and have no money and no bike feel caged in trapped in my own head
need an escape route need a purpose
need to break out of the mundane rut need out need wings to take me off this place to somewhere cool need a change
frustrated pissed off annoyed wanna smoke so bad damn it...
on the verge of tears..wanna scream wanna kick things around
want out of this place out of this town out of my skin in to something else..
don't want to cope just want to throw everything away and run run far away from here
fly
try a different path this time a different place start over try a new
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
House hunting is over!
We have found a home!
yesterday we signed our contract for our new place, so that's done and now its time to pack.
the big move is on Monday and no more cramped living space!
this new place is much bigger than this one 3.5 rooms( the what you call half room is going to be my den till the patter of tiny feet will be heard through the house)
we actually going to have a living room a study for Thunders company and no more computer and work talk in my living room(!!) and a kitchen that is a kitchen and not just a space to cook in.
big wall units in the bed room and the half room, wall units!! from floor to ceiling! never though wall units will make me so happy but after sharing a small closet made for one (with Husband who God bless his soul has a truly impassive collection of cloths) for two bloody years, the thought of having two (TWO) wall to wall wall units is absolutely heaven!
I just want to move already and start nesting in our new place make it our own, hang our wedding pictures up and play house in a real house, start making plans for a bigger family.
I am excited!
Oh and one more thing this new place is up on the seventh floor out of eight and we get uninterrupted view of Jaffa and Tel Aviv which is only beatable by my Mom's place in Haifa and the seventh floor breeze which is a true necessity living by the beach with the humidity rising to 80% in July and August!
now we only wait for the movers to stop by with boxes to help us move and they will be here eventually i hope.
Tomorrow's Mom's Birthday and we will get some quality time together which has been earned for quite a while, and its White Night in Tel Aviv tomorrow as well so there will be a lot to do (in between packing) and a long holiday weekend in which to pack in.
That's the latest update happy packing to us all!
yesterday we signed our contract for our new place, so that's done and now its time to pack.
the big move is on Monday and no more cramped living space!
this new place is much bigger than this one 3.5 rooms( the what you call half room is going to be my den till the patter of tiny feet will be heard through the house)
we actually going to have a living room a study for Thunders company and no more computer and work talk in my living room(!!) and a kitchen that is a kitchen and not just a space to cook in.
big wall units in the bed room and the half room, wall units!! from floor to ceiling! never though wall units will make me so happy but after sharing a small closet made for one (with Husband who God bless his soul has a truly impassive collection of cloths) for two bloody years, the thought of having two (TWO) wall to wall wall units is absolutely heaven!
I just want to move already and start nesting in our new place make it our own, hang our wedding pictures up and play house in a real house, start making plans for a bigger family.
I am excited!
Oh and one more thing this new place is up on the seventh floor out of eight and we get uninterrupted view of Jaffa and Tel Aviv which is only beatable by my Mom's place in Haifa and the seventh floor breeze which is a true necessity living by the beach with the humidity rising to 80% in July and August!
now we only wait for the movers to stop by with boxes to help us move and they will be here eventually i hope.
Tomorrow's Mom's Birthday and we will get some quality time together which has been earned for quite a while, and its White Night in Tel Aviv tomorrow as well so there will be a lot to do (in between packing) and a long holiday weekend in which to pack in.
That's the latest update happy packing to us all!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
last week quick re-cap
last week....
my brother came by, on a short holiday break away from work, away from China.
he brought with him a birtday gift for Mom, this sleek and cool and at times fraustratin brand new lap top i am now enjoying!
he also brought a whole bunch of talking telling us of his life there, how diffrent it is from here in all sort of strange ways.
He also filled in some blanks and shed light on our late grand fathers life, before he came to Israel from Poland, stories Mom was probablly never going to tell me and probably never will, i can understand her reasons but its still feels good to know more of him and his life before he came here, it was facinating to hear and felt good, Brother and me bonding
So now i have this brand new toy, for now, to play with and learn of so when we bring it over to Mom she could have fun with it too.. and maybe finaly start puting the novel in her head in to writing.
we are stilli looking for a place to live, no luck there yet, and its becoming really fraustrating by now.
me and Thunder are stiil not in total synch regarding the where abouts of where it should be located and what we are willing to compormise and what we aren't willing to compormise inside the place what we are willing and can tolorate , i see potentail in alot of places, at times because i really do want to move out of here at other times its simply that bad. He has issues with older more mature appartments, where i see charm he see's bugs.
work is demanding as well, my weeks seem so loaded all the time. i am running from here to there almost half the week coming home late after Pilate or Skinny Tikka sessions on the bench crafting, last week was also when i got tottaly shit faced on Margarita's celebrating Cinco de Maio so called Mexican American Independants Day... some one should whisper to the Mexicans and keep them in the loop, by Itche"s qoute they know nothing about this special day.
so then after a long and very productive day after finnishing up in the studioi took my very happy energy and climed up to their roof to salute my self with some Margaritas, foot note: on a very emp-ty stomuc....tham tham tham..... i get shit faced compeltely on margarits.. not quite sure how i got home its somewhere ther in flashes between black spaces. got home crashed woke up feeling well drunk! Yatta! n i got to go to work like that: Green. needless to say i throw up at work and start feeling ohh slightly better slightly!
but i have to say before it went tottaly off it was alot of fun Rose Itch and myself havent hung around that much for a while and it was cozy, till i got too drunk and fled the scene.
Spoke to Tomy too, told me of his Fathers paasing long estranged father, so that was strange and sad too, strange in we both have absent fathers, he had a chance to meet his before he passed and thats a blessing in a way. mine is still out there and i am still unsure how i really feel about him, Tomy has allways been encoraging ragarding finding him, and offred to help constantly.
besides that there was the mini drama that occred behind the scenes in regards to Tomy's latest job interview, it included my mother in law... and thats where i draw the line on this story.
theres been a quite weekend Thunder being busy up to his ears with work, he still is.
Crazy Girl came back to life via e-mail, yeah i am talking bout you!
and it was such a nice surprise to hear from her after all this time, good on you girl!
there is more but i am crashing so till next time, may we finaly find a place!
lights out.
my brother came by, on a short holiday break away from work, away from China.
he brought with him a birtday gift for Mom, this sleek and cool and at times fraustratin brand new lap top i am now enjoying!
he also brought a whole bunch of talking telling us of his life there, how diffrent it is from here in all sort of strange ways.
He also filled in some blanks and shed light on our late grand fathers life, before he came to Israel from Poland, stories Mom was probablly never going to tell me and probably never will, i can understand her reasons but its still feels good to know more of him and his life before he came here, it was facinating to hear and felt good, Brother and me bonding
So now i have this brand new toy, for now, to play with and learn of so when we bring it over to Mom she could have fun with it too.. and maybe finaly start puting the novel in her head in to writing.
we are stilli looking for a place to live, no luck there yet, and its becoming really fraustrating by now.
me and Thunder are stiil not in total synch regarding the where abouts of where it should be located and what we are willing to compormise and what we aren't willing to compormise inside the place what we are willing and can tolorate , i see potentail in alot of places, at times because i really do want to move out of here at other times its simply that bad. He has issues with older more mature appartments, where i see charm he see's bugs.
work is demanding as well, my weeks seem so loaded all the time. i am running from here to there almost half the week coming home late after Pilate or Skinny Tikka sessions on the bench crafting, last week was also when i got tottaly shit faced on Margarita's celebrating Cinco de Maio so called Mexican American Independants Day... some one should whisper to the Mexicans and keep them in the loop, by Itche"s qoute they know nothing about this special day.
so then after a long and very productive day after finnishing up in the studioi took my very happy energy and climed up to their roof to salute my self with some Margaritas, foot note: on a very emp-ty stomuc....tham tham tham..... i get shit faced compeltely on margarits.. not quite sure how i got home its somewhere ther in flashes between black spaces. got home crashed woke up feeling well drunk! Yatta! n i got to go to work like that: Green. needless to say i throw up at work and start feeling ohh slightly better slightly!
but i have to say before it went tottaly off it was alot of fun Rose Itch and myself havent hung around that much for a while and it was cozy, till i got too drunk and fled the scene.
Spoke to Tomy too, told me of his Fathers paasing long estranged father, so that was strange and sad too, strange in we both have absent fathers, he had a chance to meet his before he passed and thats a blessing in a way. mine is still out there and i am still unsure how i really feel about him, Tomy has allways been encoraging ragarding finding him, and offred to help constantly.
besides that there was the mini drama that occred behind the scenes in regards to Tomy's latest job interview, it included my mother in law... and thats where i draw the line on this story.
theres been a quite weekend Thunder being busy up to his ears with work, he still is.
Crazy Girl came back to life via e-mail, yeah i am talking bout you!
and it was such a nice surprise to hear from her after all this time, good on you girl!
there is more but i am crashing so till next time, may we finaly find a place!
lights out.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
realizations and some more realizations
its been a bit of a rough few weeks, a lot has happened a lot has been thought of, a lot has been building inside and left to boil over till we finally talked it over and finally got it out in the open to look at and think whats next.
Drum Roll Please: my biological clock has started ticking...Tick Tok Tick Tok....
yes, it does and it scares me and excites me and it seems that most likely this was starting point of my somber moods and panic attacks my loving Man had to endure lately before i was even able to say it out loud, its been lingering at the back of my head and throwing doubt at just about everything.
I am glad to say that now that its out in the open and in the spot light its still scary/exciting but at least it has a name and a face and i know its the main reason why i have been freaked out for a bit.. worried about money, can we afford a bigger place, my loving Man's trouble with rising in the morning... all under the great umbrella of realizing that i Do want kids.. everything seems to fall in to place and have new proportions shed light to all nagging fears and doubts.
damn holiday fest is finally over and we are back to normal full weeks at work so i have more time to juggle all my duties and find my tail i have been chasing for two weeks, never having enough time to follow things through and be more in control of my desk.
there was a hope for a new place and that has been put back on the shelf once again in wait to see how this coming month will cast its prosperous light on my Man's new business, we will see after this month what is our budget and how big of a place we can really get without having nasty surprises the month after, we hope the business will finally find some stable wind under its wings and it will finally take flight which isn't fledgling and stop stuttering and being fragile.
big decisions have to be made, our future has to be taken care of!
Schooling at skinny Tikka's moving forward, and i am loving it! the need to pound on metal and bend it and twist it to meet my wiles is such a release and a satisfaction!
so tomorrow i will finish one piece and start on my Bling and soon enough be the proud creator of my first hand made Bad ass Bling!
Been thinking of a name for my line and i think i have found it: Aclectica i like the ring of it and it seems to fit my diverse choices in materials
Been Font hunting too and still need to find just the right Font to carry my name loud and proud!
Drum Roll Please: my biological clock has started ticking...Tick Tok Tick Tok....
yes, it does and it scares me and excites me and it seems that most likely this was starting point of my somber moods and panic attacks my loving Man had to endure lately before i was even able to say it out loud, its been lingering at the back of my head and throwing doubt at just about everything.
I am glad to say that now that its out in the open and in the spot light its still scary/exciting but at least it has a name and a face and i know its the main reason why i have been freaked out for a bit.. worried about money, can we afford a bigger place, my loving Man's trouble with rising in the morning... all under the great umbrella of realizing that i Do want kids.. everything seems to fall in to place and have new proportions shed light to all nagging fears and doubts.
damn holiday fest is finally over and we are back to normal full weeks at work so i have more time to juggle all my duties and find my tail i have been chasing for two weeks, never having enough time to follow things through and be more in control of my desk.
there was a hope for a new place and that has been put back on the shelf once again in wait to see how this coming month will cast its prosperous light on my Man's new business, we will see after this month what is our budget and how big of a place we can really get without having nasty surprises the month after, we hope the business will finally find some stable wind under its wings and it will finally take flight which isn't fledgling and stop stuttering and being fragile.
big decisions have to be made, our future has to be taken care of!
Schooling at skinny Tikka's moving forward, and i am loving it! the need to pound on metal and bend it and twist it to meet my wiles is such a release and a satisfaction!
so tomorrow i will finish one piece and start on my Bling and soon enough be the proud creator of my first hand made Bad ass Bling!
Been thinking of a name for my line and i think i have found it: Aclectica i like the ring of it and it seems to fit my diverse choices in materials
Been Font hunting too and still need to find just the right Font to carry my name loud and proud!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Damn muse strikes back
its 3am..
i am up cant sleep as my muse decided the time is NOW!
Resistance IS futile...
nothing to do but surrender, otherwise the night is shot no matter what and sketching in my book is a more viable solution after all.. fuck good night sleep!
Lets sketch the night away.. in darkness, to the light of the screen...
ha!
damn... this can go on all night.. after all the times i have been distracted and didn't sketch down the flow of ideas.. i have earned this white night...
and they flow...
The same way my writing flows, its even more distracting now as part of me finds solace in the written/typed words and the other screams: release your working hands! go buy a whole load of findings at work and go sit at your non existent bench..
still in the dark as to not wake the rest of the house who sleeps soundly in the bed all warm and inviting but sleep wont come, even when the body is tired and longs for a restful sleep before a new week begins with its fires to tend to and new distractions of routine life and routine life issues of money and where to bring it from and things to cancel and re arrange and problems to solve...
new house to hunt for and then packing again..
too much to do too Little time for it all..
so another cigarette before a new attempt at sleep and hopefully this time sleep will over take me and my muse will be satisfied some to allow for sleep to finally take over..
Dear Iron Man i think of you now at the wee hours of the night you of all people know what its like, the love-hate relationship with muses..
Me frustrated with a sketch book in the Cave..
the continuous struggle with creativity when it comes and goes and fighting to allow it an open window and time to simply lavish in it...
48 minutes later a few pages scribbled with incoherent foot notes written in poor light may i only be able to decipher them in the light of day...
fare well and goodnight (a few minutes before 4 am)
i am up cant sleep as my muse decided the time is NOW!
Resistance IS futile...
nothing to do but surrender, otherwise the night is shot no matter what and sketching in my book is a more viable solution after all.. fuck good night sleep!
Lets sketch the night away.. in darkness, to the light of the screen...
ha!
damn... this can go on all night.. after all the times i have been distracted and didn't sketch down the flow of ideas.. i have earned this white night...
and they flow...
The same way my writing flows, its even more distracting now as part of me finds solace in the written/typed words and the other screams: release your working hands! go buy a whole load of findings at work and go sit at your non existent bench..
still in the dark as to not wake the rest of the house who sleeps soundly in the bed all warm and inviting but sleep wont come, even when the body is tired and longs for a restful sleep before a new week begins with its fires to tend to and new distractions of routine life and routine life issues of money and where to bring it from and things to cancel and re arrange and problems to solve...
new house to hunt for and then packing again..
too much to do too Little time for it all..
so another cigarette before a new attempt at sleep and hopefully this time sleep will over take me and my muse will be satisfied some to allow for sleep to finally take over..
Dear Iron Man i think of you now at the wee hours of the night you of all people know what its like, the love-hate relationship with muses..
Me frustrated with a sketch book in the Cave..
the continuous struggle with creativity when it comes and goes and fighting to allow it an open window and time to simply lavish in it...
48 minutes later a few pages scribbled with incoherent foot notes written in poor light may i only be able to decipher them in the light of day...
fare well and goodnight (a few minutes before 4 am)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
foot notes
lately i have noticed that our shared sense of humor has taken a more intimate turn, we understand each other less vocally, small gestures and GMTA* is enough to get the both of us on the floor holding our tummies.
just goes to show what two years in a relationship can do...
Intimacy Rocks!
Did i mention that i am more in love with my man now then i was 2 years ago?
*
to those of you who haven't been here from the beginning:
GMTA: Great Minds Think Alike!
just goes to show what two years in a relationship can do...
Intimacy Rocks!
Did i mention that i am more in love with my man now then i was 2 years ago?
*
to those of you who haven't been here from the beginning:
GMTA: Great Minds Think Alike!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
God Damn Pass-Over!!
the holidays are upon us once again, stress at work for all the half weeks and the stress over the holiday dinner , and at least that already has past..
one conclusion is from this holiday is no more big fancy flower arrangements for his MOM. worthless. she doesn't appreciate the gesture as much as i expected and therefore next year it will be a humble arrangement or something simpler like that.
we been to a wedding before the holiday (last Monday) it was fun, food could have been much better but it was fun.
had a truly awful day last Tuesday so much work so little time but i made it somehow to my Pilate session and left a quarter of an hour in with extremely runny face all frustrated and only later realizing that that time of the month+work stress+ Pilate is simply not a good equation, realization came about when i exploded like a MF on my gorgeous Man and ran off slamming doors, i am still, so lucky he knows me and understands.. and we made up quickly afterwards,
Saw Romil in Haifa!! (yey) and see her again tomorrow when she comes for her first interview at the mad house we call work.. so fingers crossed for her and the mad house who would be oh-so-lucky to have her working there!
damn mad house and its half working gals... you will not believe the amount of inefficiency i tolerate at this place.. and those of you who know me know how well i am with inefficient people and tolerating... red temper is a bonus i can hide some residue anger in the temper and get away with it.
had a good chat with My Mom she understands me and even though she is Friends with his MOM she could pin point the issues i have with her to a small notion of Taste or lack of it..
yeah, with all the winds and bells going of hides a small slightly garish persona with a loud voice and very opinionated state of mind.. shes all ways right and she should get a medal for all her efforts at raising three boys all by her self!
maybe next year we should give her a plaque to hang on the wall: "hardest working woman ever lived" she could just pull it out like a damn badge.. and she probably would..
Thank you (my) Mom for being you!
i do feel a lot better after we talked.
BTW the wedding dress combo i built was gorgeous, just wish the smoking spot was less windy.. anyways next wedding new dress and that will be a hunt on its own..
Talented boy turned older yesterday, and i forgot to call him so here to my gorgeous Goldy locks may you always have a cheeky grin on your face and a satisfied smile in your heart!!
Hope you partied hard last night and you are a happy split man today.. i miss you loads, you will be pleased to know that my Husband shares some personality traits with you and it keeps you close to my heart each time he does a Randy on me!
Also talked to my would-be-mythological-ex-if-we-ever-had-anything-going-on or for short Saint, he was surprised and pleased that after all this time and even though we hardly get to meet i always remember to call on him on his birthday.. first time we talked since i saw him last which was at the wedding, we said we will go on a double date and catch up some.. and i hope we will.. soon.. i miss him too and i would like to just have a catch up session with him and his beautiful girlfriend,
well i think that's about it for now, till next time.. love you all stay safe and comment every now and again, i don't bite too hard...
one conclusion is from this holiday is no more big fancy flower arrangements for his MOM. worthless. she doesn't appreciate the gesture as much as i expected and therefore next year it will be a humble arrangement or something simpler like that.
we been to a wedding before the holiday (last Monday) it was fun, food could have been much better but it was fun.
had a truly awful day last Tuesday so much work so little time but i made it somehow to my Pilate session and left a quarter of an hour in with extremely runny face all frustrated and only later realizing that that time of the month+work stress+ Pilate is simply not a good equation, realization came about when i exploded like a MF on my gorgeous Man and ran off slamming doors, i am still, so lucky he knows me and understands.. and we made up quickly afterwards,
Saw Romil in Haifa!! (yey) and see her again tomorrow when she comes for her first interview at the mad house we call work.. so fingers crossed for her and the mad house who would be oh-so-lucky to have her working there!
damn mad house and its half working gals... you will not believe the amount of inefficiency i tolerate at this place.. and those of you who know me know how well i am with inefficient people and tolerating... red temper is a bonus i can hide some residue anger in the temper and get away with it.
had a good chat with My Mom she understands me and even though she is Friends with his MOM she could pin point the issues i have with her to a small notion of Taste or lack of it..
yeah, with all the winds and bells going of hides a small slightly garish persona with a loud voice and very opinionated state of mind.. shes all ways right and she should get a medal for all her efforts at raising three boys all by her self!
maybe next year we should give her a plaque to hang on the wall: "hardest working woman ever lived" she could just pull it out like a damn badge.. and she probably would..
Thank you (my) Mom for being you!
i do feel a lot better after we talked.
BTW the wedding dress combo i built was gorgeous, just wish the smoking spot was less windy.. anyways next wedding new dress and that will be a hunt on its own..
Talented boy turned older yesterday, and i forgot to call him so here to my gorgeous Goldy locks may you always have a cheeky grin on your face and a satisfied smile in your heart!!
Hope you partied hard last night and you are a happy split man today.. i miss you loads, you will be pleased to know that my Husband shares some personality traits with you and it keeps you close to my heart each time he does a Randy on me!
Also talked to my would-be-mythological-ex-if-we-ever-had-anything-going-on or for short Saint, he was surprised and pleased that after all this time and even though we hardly get to meet i always remember to call on him on his birthday.. first time we talked since i saw him last which was at the wedding, we said we will go on a double date and catch up some.. and i hope we will.. soon.. i miss him too and i would like to just have a catch up session with him and his beautiful girlfriend,
well i think that's about it for now, till next time.. love you all stay safe and comment every now and again, i don't bite too hard...
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