Monday, April 17, 2006

been a while...

yeah i've been away for a while..
been bussy with work and with my new place which does'nt have internet.. so whats been up since then? well alot actually... Princss moved to my place, and is doing well there.. me and Chef are sill seeing each other, another reason why u have'nt been around online.. its going good and i am really enjoying being with him, its chalanging at times but the dialoge with my deamones is still on and i am learning to except whats on offer the good with the bitts i havent yet fully hoped for but as it was all up front on the table, it is my choice if to stick around with it or not. and at the moment i still think its worth it even though at times its a bit more then i thought i'd bargaine for. it's the issue of exclussivety which is something i at time find hard to except. but it was never offerd so i have no claim to it..
deep dwon i do wish he would offer me that exclussivety but he isnt he never witheld it from me so time will tell, at times i find it really hard to handle but its doing me so much good to be with him that i will see what happens.
its his birthday this coming friday and i am proud to say that i think i found him the perfect gift in my small budget. i got him a really nice Rittzenhoff glass ashtray... it wasnt cheap and i think he would know to appriciat it... dont know what are the plans for his birthday but i hope it would'nt be too stressfull on my heart, its hard for me to share my man with another but as he is not mine i have too.. i hope to learn to manage and evolve with time and maybe even learn how to enjoy it even more, the idea is arousing in many ways and still i fear those moments of sharing bed with my alfa male with another female...time will tell...
i thought about this quit alot and i do belive Bastt sent him to me with alot of purposs as he is in many way what i asked for and you always need to remember the consequnsess of your wishes and that nothisg is as simple or easy as it seems like in your fantasys.. but it does teach you alot about your self and builds character... i know i can only grow from this and that if i'll open my self to th ideas of chang i will surprise my self with where i can go and what i can do.

Thank you Basst for sending me this amazing man with all the deamons have to say bout it.. i truley thank you!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

new week, havent been home for almost a week also only slept in my place for the first time yesterday..
been good been rough been educational.
starting a new week of night shifts at work and taking my princess home with me today. hopefully she'll learn to forgive me with time for all this moving around. at least now i know she'll see more of me.
i hope to find a solution for having no internet at my place, maybe i could use Chefs..
anyways.. not much new has happened that i'm willing to talk bout as for now.

thank Bast for everything, the good the bad and all that is in between..

Sunday, April 02, 2006

came back from my weekend with Chef.

new updates of my advantures over the long weekend spent mostly with Chef.
came over to his place thursdy night, we went to bed and just slept together which was alot of fun as i cant remember the last time i've done that. went to work in the morning for the last time at that place, after work mom joined me we went to have lunch and afterwards i called Chef who invited me over to see who he rearanged his whole place. so sent mom home and went over to Chef's place. had dinner with him at his sisters place no stress at all at meeting some of the close family at all (NOT) but i handeled it well aperantly got home after picking up some stuff at my place, thought we might be going out. then later we went out came home after i've been strugling all through the evening with my doubts and my wants and resisting from all the wrong reasons, so when we finaly got to bed realy late at night had to fight with some of my deamons again bursting into tear and getting all emotinal in bed from all kind of reasons not thinking i can handel him and what he asks of me in bed and out of it, bit of a rough night emotinaly. i knew i angerd him but wasnt sure how to word my regret and sort out the misunderstanding that caused it. we talked in bed later that day and worked things out, i understand him better now i enjoy his unbelivable sex apeal that i have never met befoe a man wo was so comfortable with himself and his sexuality that his true to himself in the most honest way ther can be. a real Alfa Male. a bit scary at first to be around but a complete turn on to be around, he pulls the primal thing out of me the conection is so difrent, the way your body reacts to this being next to you, it makes you react to things in ways you didnt realise you can.
i know this all sounds realy weird but i am excepting the change and embracing this primal attraction and with a big smile on my face.. good things will come out of it they are already here.
i know that if i would have met him a few years back i'd run awat screaming, there was a part of me that wanted to that still, but i think for the first time in a long while there are actuall debates btween the voices in my head thet are actually talking to each other not always agreeing but they are talking and that is way more than useal..

never got around to pack my stuff, or move them on the weekend like i planed and i havent seen my princess in a few days but she has adopted Mother as a serogat mother for now. i hope to move her on thursdy.
i need to go get my cute butt to tel aviv.
may Bastt bless us all!
thank Bastt for the courage and strength to deal with my deamons