Tuesday, June 19, 2007


had a really good weekend, met his mom, and shes one cool lady!
went to a really good party, then back to his mom, till last train. I'd like to think his mom approves of me even though i don't think he would have to much of a problem if she doesn't, and still..
i think we have our own first privet joke: GMTA, just something that keeps popping up when we chat on msn, so i gave it a short cut: Great Minds Think Alike! or his take on it: Got Me Trembling Again... i like both and mine brings his and it just keeps on happening so its sweet..
i hope we get to see the Apt. tomorrow finally if we could only get out of bed in time..
I'm excited bout the move and a bit scared but its good scared. i cant wait to see it from the inside and check out the view from the balcony, yes the place has a balcony!! just what i have been wishing for ever since i moved out of my first place in TLV.
i have Friday off and maybe he will too, i still don't know what we are going to do but as long as we spend at least some of it together in bed I'm a happy camper...

I'm excited bout us i can admit to myself by now how i feel about him and i can almost say it out loud to friends i want to shout it out for the whole world to know but I'm still unable to say it to him.. i know he can sense it but i want it said too, i don't expect an immediate response i just want it out.. it would be nice to hear him say it too but in his own time, i have given enough hints to my state of mind so i'm sure he knows and its all such thrill full ride!!
i am happy!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

yes yes yes...
i am queen of the world!!!
it all went better than expected and i was asked to move in with him into his new place that he is bound to move into in less than a month..
so happy happy joy joy!!!!
Goddess bless us all!

Monday, June 11, 2007

T time is here, i have come to realize that i can't un-know what i know any more.
i need to face the truth and hope that it wont slap me in the face. i care for him more than i'd want to admit and now it's time to face the music and i am terrified. scared shitless.. don't know how to go about it and i know that i have to do it.
i hope it will go reasonably well and that things will move on to a better future .
and yet its hard to breath hard to think but i'm trying to be optimistic and hope for the best.
i thought a little while back that this might never happen to me again and now i hope my heart wont shatter. he is on his way home, he is getting a promotion at work and hopefully i could add my own promotion to the pot too..
only thing is he isn't coming home alone so i might have to wait some more before i get round to it.. not sure if its a good thing or not but thats the way the cookie crumbles so we shall see how it goes..
my tummie is all cramped and the butterfly's are soaring high..
Goddess save me..

Friday, June 01, 2007

another chunck has fell off my armour

its close now very close, scary close. soon i'll be exposed totally and from there there is no way back, not that i'd regret loosing my Armour just that i got used to it, but i am kind of excited bout it too..
i can't put all the blame on him but he is helping, and it isn't such a painful thing to feel your Armour crumbling all around you, when the way it usually happens with me is through really strong climaxes..
and so yesterday we had a a really good session that left my eyes leaking, i was still afraid to let him see it but he got a hint or two bout it and he seems to be dealing with it just fine..:)

i have been having strange dreams since then, my first ex showed up in my dream after years and i do mean years that i haven't thought of him.. we had some kind of confrontation in my dream but i cant remember over what. and then the other day i dreamed of my last ex (the cook) and again it was a confrontational dream.. i know its all connected somehow, comes together with the Armour breaking down, maybe i am finally letting go?
time will tell.
good night and good luck to us all!