Monday, December 25, 2006

another movie scenario been flushed down the toilet, after a veryverbal thingy came a very unverbal thingy who was sp much more attractive and ilusive by being all sexy and mystirous but thats over now so i can move on with mylife and plan on having a good time in my last week of being 28..
been coming to all sorts of conclusions about my life and where its going and why i have made the mistakes i've made in my past, this is a time of better understanding of oneslef. in hope this new knoledge will saty with me and help me keep on evolving into something better and healthier.
i am now willing to admmit to wanting realtionships and those only and as long as they are healthy.. i know i have great things awaiting to happen to me as soon as i'll be ready to embrace them whole heartedly, i know i cant rush them just cause i can feel them in my gut that they are going to happen. its fruastrating at times but thats just life.
also having a bit of a crisis with school dont know if i want to go on or not as that is extra fraustrating latley. i'm trying to think it through and make my decicssion based on how i really feel and not based on my ever changing mood.
i am still happy with myself most of the time i know myself better and like myself better and forgive myself when i need to.
in the meantime life goes on and i go with it looking farward to my birthday this saturday hoping it will be at least half the fun if not more the fun as last year..
speaking of which, it seems like so much time has past and so much has happened in this one year, from breaking up with ex to moving in with my mom starting this blog and meeting cheff and breaking up with him, moving out and living on my own.. realizing that i finally enjoy myself in tel aviv and israel in the whole..
i feel more acomplished now than ever...
to this new amazing year coming upon us..
i intend on being good to myself and happy with myself...
as we all should.

Friday, December 08, 2006

it has been a whille

havent got around to find a computer in a long while, alot has happend since it always does.. so it seems.. i wont recount it as its in the past and not that intresting anymore.
i've been doing some writing in my notebook that goes everywhere with me so i wouldnt loose those moments by just not having a pc to go to. i have been talking with myself alot been finding out new-old truths bout myself and who i am. i feel like i'm growing into myself and maturing in to a more productive person for myself i'm driven by diffrent things now than before sometimes i'm saddend by the changes in me as in grieving for my old more insecure self and than at times she rears her head and bites me in the arse.. allways with me.
i realized just last week that i finaly started enjoying myself being in israel. it was quiet astounding to realize it. but its true i am finaly having fun here. i'm by myself and more or less independent i'm working hard at reaching my goals and am also in the middle of some leap of faith and evolving into better awarness of who i am and what i really want from life i'm not shy bout my opinions i stand by them proudly, i am developing my own privet style and loving it, by reviews from around me i'm doing something right and good too..
yeah i am getting there with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.
i allow myself my down time and respect it for what it is. i handle it better just by knowing its part of life and tommorow is a new day and i will feel better in the morning..
i like my self way more now than a year ago and thats for sure..