Friday, May 12, 2006

well well... so many things happened since i last posted...
that other day after my last post Chef offered me to move in with him, he asked me if it would bother me to see him with other women if i was living with him as a roomie, asked me to think bout it, i have been for a while(think bout it that is) havent given him an answer yet, i like the idea of living with him but i am not sure if its such a good idea as i dont know how i'd react to seeing him with others as till now i just avoided thinking bout it and as i know he does have other women in his life just that as long as it wasnt infront of me i could deal with it just fine, besides there is the wholw deal with my Princess and his dog which i'm not too sure would be that great, i mean i know that they could learn to play nice but i fear the havock they are going to create in the process, besides i dont want to lose my own place and be dependent on him especially if things go wrong and i get hurt on the way dont think i'd want to be here and have nowhere to go if i see that i cant handle it. i think there is a greater risk of getting in over my head as there is a great risk of me getting hurt, so far i know i am involved with Chef but i'm not in-love with him which is a good thing in my books as i know i would be hurt if i was. i need to know i have a place of my own to go too if things get too much on me i need a place of my own to be alone with myself, i need to feel and be independent in my own right. i need this for myself. and still i feel flattered that he offered me the place by his side and havebt offered that same place to his other Alfa female.. i'm still debating with myself on the matter i can see the good points and the bad ones and still not sure what to do, dont know if my feelings towards him might change if i'll live under his roof, at the moment i do spent alot of my free time with him but as i dont have that much free time with work and school which is going to be over soonif it might change things for me in way of maybe falling for him which i think is going to jeprodise this comfortable feeling and my hopes for my future i know he can help me go further and i also know that he is a lesson in life that is preparing me for somthing greater in my future some amazing and intense thing i can only glimps at now but know for sure that is waiting for me to be ready for.. i know where i want to be later in life and i know i can do it i know that i will do my all to make my dream come true and that in 3-5 years i wont be here anymore but somewhere in europe building my dream and making it into a reality.

enough bla for now, i've been to a job interview last night and hopefully i'll change jobs soon, and work in the nighborhood, it would do me good i know getting to know the people here better and and getting my self knowen for what i am and who i am and what i do, make new friends and not be so dependent on Chef for comfort, it might help that other fron i'm dealing with.
sat with Simpson yestreday and made my first draft for a buissnes card which was awasome, still needs some fine tuening but seing it take shape was good for me as i can see my future taking a more tangiable shape. this is all for now, i'll come back with more news as they come.

thank Bastt for small mercys..


Asprine said...

You suck, and it isn`t me who`s enjoying it....
So you better organise something in return, i`l be watching my mail. :)

red-headed-cat said...

well you had me with you naked in bed with only a few thousend miles seperating us and you sucked and i wasnt enjoying it either so i guess we're even ;))