Saturday, May 06, 2006

coments on my last post and more..

read my last post after a while and it sounds realy lame, i dont think i'm in that place anymore, ithink i understand better now then i did then how i feel bout it all and i dont have the same wishfull thinking i did before, i feel better about my realationship with Chef and what is on offer i dont wish for more exclusivityas i did then as i realised i'll be banging my head against a brick wall and might even ruin a perfectly working realtion.. he is what he is and i know that as long as i dont fall for him i'll be fine with it, it hasnt happened yet which is a good thing as i know myself well enough by now to know that the first month is usalythe time it takes me and i'm not i am though really enjoying myself with him he is alot of fun to be with i am dealing well with the other woman in his life and we are kind of friends in some way.. i try not to jam sticks in my own wheels as there is no point in it i enjoy what i have with him as it is and i dont try to change him, i give him his space and enjoy our time together out sex life is introducing me to new ideas and new frontiers and those are always wellcome, i learn with him new things that i had no one before to teach me and in a wayi think the our sexual personalties are part of the reason i can handel these new ideas of no exclusivity better i belive him to be a lesson to preperme for something greater than i had before may it be love or other succsess that are still ahead of me. i belive that i am now beging to sprout my first feathers on my way to build my ever so colorfull wings i know that he would be there for me when i need him most as i wuld be there for him i see myself evolve and progress since i met him and try and avoid the little voicein my head that trys tocomlicate things by regressing to the things he knows and is more comfortable with cause it just doesnt know anybetter, and is afraid of change i trust Chef to know how far to go with me and when he can push me further even though sometimes it scares me to go to those places i've never been too before as i know i can always ask and talkabout the things that scare me and use them to move further and be even stronger then i was before, i am feeling better bout myslef now then i ever did before. one of the better things with im is he always makes me feel safe with him, i can always come to him with any truble or issue and we could talk it over and i'll feel better afterwards..

and now to other news of my life... school is going realy good had somehard time after the holidays in finding my way back to working on all my projects but i found my thread of creation and its going very well.. i've set my self some goals as to what i want done with the rest of the year. first of all is to finish school with out having to much hate going on between me and my design teacher, then there is the goal of starting my new tattoo this summer hopfully through july and then come october i want to be in amsterdam for my darling Elvie is going to make me an auntie...!!!! so i promised her i'll be there to get drunk with her like old times at the cave drinking bosswandlings...
my job sucks still but might change soon as this morning i met i girl coustumer from work at her work which is just next door to home and they are looking for ppl.. so shes going to put in a good word for me and i might be changing jobs againwhich would be a blast as i treid nailing that job in the past but was turned down by someone i know here is not in the know anymore so there is hope for something better just next to my place so yey me!!!
thats all for now, i'll try to keep updating as things move along without such long breaks in between...
may Bastt keep me safe and happy and keep on smiling at me as she has lately..


IsidoreDeKass said...

Keep on you're independence !!!.
stay free dear, if you are don't in-love with him, stay on you're own, but you've seen like you don't know how you're gonna act if you see other woman in there so may be you do have something. not an healthy situation for you at all. he wanna shag other, but he is involved with you.... ; maybe he want to start an Harmon in his place, maybe he want to do threesome... go figure
Good luke with the job

red-headed-cat said...

i dont know how i'd feel bout it but i know i'm not in-love with him, but those are not neceserly conected its the way i am.. in the mean time i'm all good and i keep my eyes open for opportunity's of my own.. i'm not going to move in with him any time soon and i watch myself all the time..
i do appriciate your concern.
when are we going to meet for those drinks?
talk to me..