i seem to be falling from one storm to another..
the other woman slept with us yesterday, which is ok, i just made it clear that i wasn't intrested in doing anything together as i am not attracted to her one bit. so yeah that went ok, and still i slept bad as she was sleeping next to putting Chef out of my reach, in the morning i found myself inraged by her presence i had to leave, took Cher for a walk and called M to bitch about it.
got home and i was still inrage, so much my hands were shaking..
caught myself and started wondering where it was all coming from? i'm not like that it disturbed me. Chef pulled me in to the room put the cat-o'-nine in my hand, the other woman wanted to feel what it was like... it took alot of self control not to flog her to oblivion.. i maneged to give her a gentel taste and went to the loo, in the mean time Chef and me talked it over i tryed to explain to him that i am not jealous that if i would have met her on diffrent terms we wouldn't go past hello hello, that she has to many ticks that blow my mind but as she is part of his life i tolatrate her as best i can. that i don't understand their realtionship but it's not for me to understand but to except as is.
later in the day with this whight on my shoulders i brain stormed the issue with my self and came to understanding that some of that useless rage wasn't even mine, i was poisend by another and was voicing feeling that weren't all mine. i feel like a total shit about it.
i'll apologise to the other woman tomorrow as i do feel shity about it.
i'll talk to M about it as she is the source of the poisen and it's getting in the way. she can keep it to herself from now on.
told Cheff about it, how i feel and my conclusion my intent to repent and apologise to her, he said he had a feeling bout it but didnt want to say it, i agree i had to come to it by myself,
part of my growth..
lets hope the stormy weather is behind me..
wishing me a sunny weekend.