its been a long while since i last wrote, alot has happened on all fronts, still no luck on the job hunt and it yom kipur now.. so i'm checking my check list see where i am at..
i have a feeling that i'm getting fed up with this chef stuff. too many things iritate me bout it lately, his child like actions his need to be in the center of things knowing everything better then anyone boasting and bulshiting bout shit he's cluless bout, and all sorts of anyoing lil habits that drive me up the wall, i just dont know if its worth it anymore. maybe i'm just edgy as school starts in a lil bit and i have the urge to be left to my own device which right now is imposiable as i cant spport my self.
i was hoping for a quiet yom kipor just the two of us in some hotel somewhere silence all round and no big productions and it didnt happen so we are still here and there is going to be a dinner thingy with pl coming and he already marked some girl as target to be persuied and i just want to throw all my toys out and scream stop..
had a long heavy talk with M and i know more of what i got myself into and where its going wrong, chef and M are on non speaking terms and he thinks she's trying to subvert me to her side sticking wedges as she goes along. it has been stormy for two and a half weeks between us ups and downs on an almost regular basis and it seems to be setlling down but i am still itchy all over. i need to find me a job and reconsider everything again i think i need to detach myself from him a bit even though i'm not sure how much i can with all his envovment in my financess and things with my name on them that he's paying for. its uglier then i am willing to admit and remeniscent of my past life with my dutch EX, right now dear Asprine is cringing in his seat going:OUCH! Damn girl not again!!! i know darling, i'm ouching myself too, this must be worst then your never endind study, heres me doing the same lesson for the third and a half time over again, lets all hope this time i'll get it right..
i say lets meet in a'dam when you finally get back from your travels and celebrate my return to my favorite city..
sounds like fun ha?
i think so too it will keep me warm at night when i sleep on the street and feed on leftovers..
yeah bitch bitchy..
so yeah my exhibition opened last week and except the part where i'm majorly pissed with my teacher for only putting one of my items on display its really beautyfull. ill send you a pic sometime next week (Asprine going: a-ha to himself, that and the rest of them pic's you promised right?) that evening had its own hell intailed.. something bout some guy he introduced to me and then turn around and told me he's bad news after that "bad news" guy took me home from the expo (he lives in the nighbourhood ) and i went up for coffee at his place. yes he flirts with me yes i know he wants to get into my pants, yes i flirt back, yes i find him atractive, no i havent done anything bout it. chef got pisses bout it said the guy was a story teller and it isn't apropiate for me to be seen with him as long as i am with cheff. then had a hard time handling the truth bout me admitting to finding bad news guy attractive even though i have no intentions on folowing through. still was a hail storm to deal with..
on diffrent news his other woman can drive me mad with her lack of sensetivety to the outside world and lack of responsibilty with other ppl's possesions and just a total spoiled brat. cant talk to him bout it as he would say i'm being poisened by M or other imaginary friends and dont want to open it with M as it doesnt help shit.
news flash.. my boss at the shinkin store might have a proposition that can benefit us both, he wants me to make use of the little niche he has behinde the shop as a studio and work there for him and the shop, and have half time there and half time at the shop front. that could be really good for me as its work and getting some more "fly-time" in the studio. i hope we can work something out to benefit us both..
for now chef's "ideas" of buying a house and/or car with my name on it are for now on hold, i hope they stay that way as right now i'm too confused bout "our"future together and those things could get really messy..
school starts in two weeks, hopefully by then there will be a steady job and my own money to claim my indipendence.. and you never know i might just be able to spread my wings and fly out of here again back to where i really want to be which is amsterdam..