things are moving further with TT..
we are talking a lot on msn while he's on night shifts and really open candid conversations.
i sometimes dread it and sometimes i cherish it. its so different to anything i experienced before, i can feel i am making progress within myself and with him too..
i avoid as much as i can jumping ahead of myself, fantasizing things which are not there yet or not at all..
i know that i care about him more than i would like to admit but i think thats also natural as we spend so much time together and there is a sort of intimacy between us by now its all inevitable..
i know that he must be feeling some of this too by now, the fear or rejection is probably always going to linger there somewhere in the back but i reign it in mostly..
he told me a while ago that he doesn't know how to be an asshole and only lately it dawned on me what he actually meant, it was reassuring to finally understand but that too came with time.. we talk more freely bout what it is we are doing here and we agreed that defining it is to hinder it so we just move with it as long as we both each others company and the rest of the chips will fall no matter how much fuss is made over them..
there is no rushing things till they are ready to go where ever they need to go or be or not be or what ever,
me telling myself off:
just sit back enjoy the ride, you already admitted to yourself and to him that no matter what happens next you are glad that you met him so where else do you want to go ?
with the sex being this damn amazing and the fact that you get along well out of bed as in it why do you keep insisting on unraveling the magic you cherish so much.. just let it unfold before you
you know he will tell you when he wants out and he is decent enough to tell it straight to your face so damn woman chill!!
and you do realize that all this shit thats going in your head is not yours alone, he must be head fucking himself over this too to some extant at least..
so damn it just Chill Woman!!