Mother went away for the weekend. i'm home alone, hope i'll figure out what to do with all this free time and empty house. maybe i'll activate my cat and get her to run around and do somwthing more then useal.. maybe i'll do my home work today or something... its fucking boring here, no where to go nothing to do.
found my self a radio station.. pandora!!! now i can listen to good music... yey me for finally looking it up, guess whats going to play the whole weekend on my computer......
looking farward to wednsday.. planing on getting royaly drunk on stoli crysatl at sheseq, put an open invetation on my site maybe some people will surprise me by joining in on the drunk fest.. maybe i'll get lucky. havent been to Sheseq for two years but from what i remember of it it was good, elctronic music cool little lounges and with this 7 nis per stoli crystal chasers... sounds like a really good deal for me. asked Batman out as he still owes me and this way i'll have someone responsiable enough to make sure i get home!! yey me again!!
Rammstein... (on pandora) god i miss amsterdam... loved their show...oh men i so need to get drunk!! miss the Korss so bad.. fridays where so much fun!! dont think i ever had any problems with money to get drunk with... dont remember a weekend i didnt go out in...shit ciggaret break..!
still no luck on the home hunt.. but i saw that the boyz i was thinking of moving in with are still looking so maybe if i'm still lucky i'll get my place back in their hearts and get to move in...
pandora is sending me curved balls.. the music is still real good but from something that started as dark heavy music its now playing some elctronic beat thing.. its good just kind of strange in this context.. but i'm not complaining, its good. has some blips in it, i'm not sure if its them or this damn slow computer.. well so far its ok.. msning with isidor on the other window.. talking to my favorite fan.. (only one so far.. :) and probably the last one i'll have if i keep on being so fucking boring!!
damn Iron Man for being so damn busy miss talking to him on msn.. i'll try calling him maybe i'll be able to convince him to get his scrawny ass on line. got his damn voicemail..
god i hate being so lifeless... i end up feeling all sorry for myself and being all bitchy and moany and whiny i hate being like that..
i know that if i had alcohol now i'd be drunk.. not sure its such a good thing but shit i dont even have that...
Mother only has wine at home and i dont like getting drunk on wine and i think i'd hate myself even more if i would have gotten all drunk home alone.. i'll go smoke some more, on the cold belkonie.. oh i hate this lamness i fell into..
pandora ruls!!! Stinkfist is on!! i'm in OzzFest all over again... Tool are playing the sun is begining to set one of the best days of my life... i took that song with me for the rest of the next two days.. me and Talanted boy got home late, the next day we were in bed all day watching tv naked, the whole time bathing in the sunlight coming from the window... one of my best memorys form the whole time i spent with him... great now i'm amsterdam sick.. Tool live rock!! that was the first time i encounterd them..
took me a while to figure out the name of that song so i could ask Charley to play it for me at the Cave... he always used to tease me about it, and other things like that night when i forgot i was on antibiotics (yeah ol stupid me..) and couldn't figure out why i'm stoned after half a glass of wine.. it took me another three before i rememberd i was taking meds.. by then i was apperntly making some real crude offers to charley and discribing very garphicly all the ways i wanted to be taken by him and that kind of stuff... i'm not sure, i just know i threw up twice before getting home and charlet allways having a realy nasty smile when i asked him bout what i said... embaressing in the best way posiable i think..
damn i miss the cave, i miss amsterdam, now this song of The Cure: Pictures of you... damn i can almost smell amstrdam now...i remember when i listend to it first, just after breaking up with Marthijn.. trying to figure out what was i doing with him and why i was so blind to how phsycotic he realy was.. damn that was a long time ago, and still with this song playing i'm right there all over again.. i think i did learn the lesson i needed to learn from that realtionship.. but it took me a while to see how bad i was doing or more like how long i refused to deal with how bad it got, as i saw no way out.. as when i finaly saw a way out it happened quickly (thank god for that), i'm not sure what would have happened if i sateyd with him for much longer, probably something to do with wilting like a flower in shadow with poisened water... slowly but surely from lack of affaction..
(this pandora thing rocks.. the dust brothers... another artist/s i got to know while in amsterdam..)
another memeory comes to mind: me making Bouncer guy a cock ring out of hemetait stones.. funny story that one, but i'll keep that one for later ;)))
its amazing how i zig zag between lines of thought today, very eclectic...