Sunday, February 26, 2006

got an email from my EX today, made me cry. it was not that i regret ending the realtionship, as much as his listing all our privet moments that he misses, in a way i still beat myself up for all the mistakes we made on the way and how long i knew it was heading for a fall before i could voice it myself. he became a really good friend and it hurt more to break it up cause i knew id break his heart which i did but it still hurts as he does deserve better even though he will never agree with me about it.
i need to sleep over this some more its all too fresh.
to be continued.
*****
*the next evening...*

we apperntly started a new line of comunication, we mail each other long mails, i dont know where its heading but i'm glad he is making some progress if anything at least he learned a few things about himself no matter how painfull they are.
one day i'll learn not to break sweet mens hearts fooling them into bellieving that i am as inlove with them as they are with me, the one before this one informed me the other day that he's expecting his first born in 4 months ... i am happy for him just wish he could reach this happinness with out me trampling his heart like i did, even though i know that its posiable that if i hadn't brought him back form amsterdam he would not have met his wife and mother of his first child. i dont think i'll get lucky this time not with all the time me and EX spent together before i realised i was there for the wrong reasons and that i apperntly was never inlove with him in the first place, but was just having so much fun with him i thought i'll i dont know what i thought... but we had some really good times together i just i could avoid breaking his heart. the only other person who knew all this till now was my Mother and she guessed most of it, this is the first time i admit to all of my crimes against my dearst friend.

3 comments:

IsidoreDeKass said...

As long as you have heart - it will hurt you, it's good to be human, to feel to have a heart. you got mail from your×™ Ex and you cry, i have to see my Ex every day at the University and library...even that my case is old and different, it is still unpleasant.

anyway thank you for the open invitation for beer, i'll use it. and i found something that might help you with the Blog you have: read that :
http://www.ynet.co.il/articles/0,7340,L-3213650,00.html

red-headed-cat said...

i dont envy you at all for seein her/him (?) everyday.
feel free to use that ivetation it will be fun to sit with someone who knows me as you do without us evermeeting face to face before good reason to get drunk (i'll feel naked i'm sure!)
p.s thanks for the bit about the blog but i broke up with the only person i knewwho was good at computers and the last thing i need is for him to help me with this blog he doesnt even knoe exsists... he found his way to the site we met on but havent aproched me yet or havent found me out yet... so atleast he has a life right?

yaya said...

hi red head.

you caught me unprepared...
there I was, expecting some angriness and you got all emotional. I like that, It's real and It makes me love you more. and that's why I'm sure you'll find your one and only, on your own time, smarter then before, with all the things that you're discovering now.
oh shit, I sound like a mother. sorry.